who pays the piper?

Weddings are full of etiquette and tradition - but who is supposed to do what - and when?
Rather than expect people to know what they're doing, it's much easier to ask your friends and family to take their traditional roles!
Etiquette dictates that everyone involved has different duties. While it isn't necessary to follow the rules completely, it helps to remember that they are there to avoid confusion and to ensure that everything goes well.
"The key to a good wedding is to have a team behind the scenes who can help it run to time and to plan."

The Groom- The Best Man- The Bride's Father- The Groom's Father- The Chief Bridesmaid- Bridesmaids- Mother of the Bride- Ushers -
On the Day

The Groom

• Helping organise and pay for the transport
• Organising the corsages and thank you bouquets for the two mothers
• Giving the best man ready cash to pay for services on the day
• Organisation of the honeymoon, including a car to take them to the airport

The Best Man

• To help the Groom keep calm and relaxed
• To carry the rings
• Paying the honorarium to the minister after the ceremony
• To pay the musicians, including the piper!
• To deliver the completed marriage schedule back to the Registrar's Office after the wedding day.
• He also delegates jobs to the other groomsmen, including helping to organise the stag party

The Brides Father

• Escorting his daughter down the aisle
• Escorting the grooms mother out of the church
• Paying the caterer

The Grooms Father

• Escorting the mother of the bride up the aisle (after ceremony)
• Helping to supply/pay for the drinks at the reception

The Chief Bridesmaid

• Liaise with bride to ensure any needs are met (before, during and after the wedding!)
• Delegates duties to the other bridesmaids (one for train, one for dress, one to look after flowergirl)
• To lift the veil after the bride says her vows
• Leads the wedding party back up the aisle
• To ensure that the hair stylist and beauty therapist are paid (or that arrangements have been agreed upon)

Bridesmaids

• To carry bouquets and ensure bride is looking fabulous
• Helping the bride throughout day with whatever she needs
• To carry a small bag with mascara, tissues, touch up powder and mobile phone (switched off during ceremony!)
• Ensuring that everyone gets a piece of the wedding cake, or to give a piece to take away for a relative that could not attend
• To distribute table decorations, if required, to the chosen ladies.

Yes, they are there to look adorable, however, there is a traditional role for the flowergirl - the clue is in the name! When bridesmaids need their hands free to help bride, the flowergirl takes the bouquets. Likewise, page boys are to help carry anything the groomsmen might need or to help the ushers deliver messages. It's a great idea to give the little ones helpful jobs so as to keep them out of mischief!

Mother Of The Bride

• Offering support to the bridesmaids
• Introducing people at the wedding (officially, she is the 'hostess')
• Having the wedding gown cleaned and stored
• Gift storage (looking after the gift list and liaising with shop)

Ushers

Underneath the general melée of a wedding, the ushers should each have been given a specific job to do and there's more to it than handing out the order of service sheets and showing guests to their seats. They are also your crowd control when the guests leave the service and your personal PA system. The key to a good wedding is to have a team behind the scenes who can help it run to time and to plan. When the bride and groom are to be alone with their photographer, it's up to the ushers to keep the guests in one space. Whether it's an extra seat or a handkerchief that's required, the ushers are there to ensure the guests are not left unsure what to do.

• Usher 1 - to greet the guests as they arrive, issue an order of service sheet and know all that is happening afterwards. When the guests come out of the church, to ensure that all guests can get to the reception or get a chance to speak to the bride and groom before leaving the wedding.
• Usher 2 - to sit the guests according to family group (keeping top pews/chairs free for immediate family). The mother of the bride who arrives alone should be escorted personally to her seat.
• Usher 3 - If it is raining or special instructions are required, to greet guests as they alight from their transport - with an umbrella, if required! This usher can also signal the piper as to when the bride and wedding party is arriving.
• Usher 4 - As they leave the ceremony, usher 4 can guide them direction as to where to go and what has been organised for them. With the help of the others, they can ensure that the photographer has who they need and that the guests are not impinging on his work.
• Usher 5 They can also help if there is a formal reception line to be taken before the meal by informing guests.

The most important job for all the ushers is to keep the atmosphere enjoyable and relaxed for the guests.

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On The Day

The bridesmaids and flowergirl should be waiting for you at the entrance. Brides aren't 'given away' in Scotland but are escorted by a close male relative, who should help you alight from the car and take your right arm over their left as you regain your composure. This is when the bridesmaids can reassure, check your make up and have the dress, train and veil sitting as they should. Bridesmaids bouquets should be held by the flowergirl should they need their hands free.
Photographs can be taken at this point as you walk - slowly - to the entrance and take some deep breaths.
An Usher should signal the organist or musician to begin the wedding music as the bride steps into the church.

Whether smiling or nervous, a bride shouldn't look terrified. Getting married is an extremely solemn occasion but should also be joyous. If you find yourself going to pieces at the ceremony, focus on a trusted face - it's guaranteed that they'll be smiling!

Down The Aisle

The groom should be waiting for the bride on the right hand side of the altar or head of the hall and her male escort should be on her right hand side. As she approaches the groom, the escort should shake his hand and kiss the bride lightly, then take to his seat.

Up The Aisle

The bride and groom link arms and walk at a slow pace back out of the church. They are followed by the bridesmaids, who are followed by the father of the groom escorting the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom with the father of the bride. The guests should wait until the wedding party are out of the church before following them.

Rehearse the ceremony a few weeks before the wedding, paying particular attention to positions and walking at a stately pace!

Top Tips

• Organise a bridal meeting with ushers, using beer/pizza as a lure
• Give jobs to people whose personality will suit their duties
• Have separate rehearsals with the bridal party
• Delegate the duties and enjoy your day

"If you find yourself going to pieces at the ceremony, focus on a trusted face - it's guaranteed that they'll be smiling."

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